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41. ´ÙÀ½ ±Û¿¡¼ ÀüüÀÇ È帧°ú °ü°è ¾ø´Â ¹®ÀåÀº?
Apologies often fail. One reason apologies fail is that the ¡°offender¡± and the ¡°victim¡± usually see the event differently. Examining personal narratives, researchers have found that those who cause harm tend to minimize the offense ¡ª probably to protect themselves from shame and guilt. They also tend to downplay the consequences of their actions. ¨ç These tendencies can inflame the anger of the hurt person, who, in contrast, may see an offense as bigger than it really is. ¨è When sincere apologies are offered in an ordinary human relationship, they are readily accepted by the victims and reconciliations ensue. ¨é Those who are hurt tend to see the act as one with severe consequences and as part of an ongoing pattern that is inexcusable and immoral. ¨ê Each person has his or her own truth, and there is distortion on both sides. ¨ë Therefore, to apologize sincerely we must first listen attentively to how the other person really feels about what happened ¡ª not simply assert what we think happened.
1. ³»¿ëÇ®ÀÌ
À߸øÇÑ »ç¶÷°ú »óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷Àº ¼·ÎÀÇ ÀÔÀå Â÷ÀÌ·Î ÀÎÇØ µÑ »çÀÌ¿¡ ÀÖ¾ú´ø ÀÏÀ» º¸´Â ½Ã°¢ÀÌ ´Ù¸£¹Ç·Î, ÇÑ ÂÊ¿¡¼ »ç°ú¸¦ ÇÏ´õ¶óµµ »ó´ë¹æÀÌ Àß ¹Þ¾ÆµéÀÌÁö ¸øÇÑ´Ù´Â ³»¿ëÀÇ ±ÛÀÓ. ±×·±µ¥ ¨è¹øÀº ¡®Áø½É ¾î¸° »ç°ú´Â »óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷ÀÌ ½±°Ô ¹Þ¾ÆµéÀ̹ǷΠÈÇØ¿¡ À̸£°Ô µÈ´Ù.¡¯´Â ³»¿ëÀ̹ǷΠ±ÛÀÇ ÀüüÀûÀÎ È帧¿¡¼ ¹þ¾î³².
2. ±¸¹®Çؼ³
¨ç [Apologies often fail. One reason (why) apologies fail / is that the ¡°offender¡± and the ¡°victim¡± usually see the event differently. ] ¡Øoffender:¹üÁËÀÚ ¡çÀ߸øÇÑ »ç¶÷ ¡Ø victim ¡ç ´çÇÑ»ç¶÷ ¡æ »ç°ú´Â ÈçÈ÷ ½ÇÆÐÇÑ´Ù. »ç°ú°¡ ½ÇÆÐÇÏ´Â ÇÑ °¡Áö ÀÌÀ¯´Â ¡°À߸øÇÑ »ç¶÷¡±°ú ¡°´çÇÑ »ç¶÷¡±ÀÌ ´ë°³ »ç°ÇÀ» ´Ù¸£°Ô º¸±â ¶§¹®ÀÌ´Ù.
¨è [Examining personal narratives, researchers have found that / those who cause harm / tend to minimize the offense ¡ª probably to protect themselves from shame and guilt.] ¡Øthose who~: ~ÇÏ´Â »ç¶÷µé ¡Øtend to: ~ÇÏ´Â °æÇâÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù = have a tendency to ¡æ°³ÀÎÀûÀÎ À̾߱âµéÀ» °ËÅäÇϸé¼, ¿¬±¸ÀÚµéÀº Çظ¦ °¡ÇÑ »ç¶÷µéÀº ¾Æ¸¶µµ ¼öÄ¡½É°ú ÁËÃ¥°¨À¸·ÎºÎÅÍ ½º½º·Î¸¦ º¸È£Çϱâ À§ÇØ, À߸øÇÑ ÀÏÀ» Ãà¼ÒÇÏ·Á´Â °æÇâÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ¾Ë¾Æ³Â´Ù.
¨é [They also tend to downplay the consequences of their actions.]
¡æ ±×µéÀº ¶ÇÇÑ ÀڽŵéÀÇ Çൿ °á°ú¸¦ ´ë´ÜÄ¡ ¾Ê°Ô »ý°¢ÇÏ´Â °æÇâÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù.
¨ê [These tendencies can inflame the anger of the hurt person, who(= the hurt person), in contrast, may see an offense as bigger than it really is.] ¡Øin contrast: ´ëÁ¶ÀûÀ¸·Î ¡æÀÌ·¯ÇÑ °æÇâÀº »óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷ÀÇ ³ë¿©¿òÀ» ¾ÇȽÃų ¼ö Àִµ¥, »óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷Àº ¹Ý´ë·Î (±âºÐÀÌ »óÇÏ°Ô µÈ) »ç°ÇÀ» ½ÇÁ¦º¸´Ù ´õ Å©°Ô »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼öµµ ÀÖ´Ù.
¨ë [When sincere apologies are offered in an ordinary human relationship, they are readily accepted by the victims and reconciliations ensue.] ¡Øare offered: Á¦¾ÈµÇ´Ù, Á¦°øµÇ´Ù ¡Øare readily accepted: ½±»ç¸® ¹Þ¾Æµé¿©Áö´Ù ¡Øreconciliations ensue ÈÇØ°¡ ÀϾ´Ù ¡æÁø½É ¾î¸° »ç°ú°¡ Æò¹üÇÑ Àΰ£°ü°è¿¡¼ Á¦¾ÈµÉ ¶§, ±×°ÍµéÀº ½±»ç¸® ÇÇÇØÀÚ(»óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷)¿¡°Ô ¹Þ¾Æµé¿©Áö°í ÈÇØ°¡ À̾îÁø´Ù
¨ì [Those who are hurt / tend to see the act as one with severe consequences and as part of an ongoing pattern / that is inexcusable and immoral.] ¡ØThose who~: ~ÇÏ´Â »ç¶÷µé(ÁÖ¾î), ¡Ø tend to:~ÇÏ´Â °æÇâÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù(µ¿»ç) ¡Øsee ¨Í as ¨Î: ¨Í¸¦ ¨Î·Î ¹Ù¶óº¸´Ù ¡Øsee the act as one with severe consequences: ±× ÇàÀ§¸¦ ½É°¢ÇÑ °á°ú¸¦ ¼ö¹ÝÇÏ´Â °ÍÀ¸·Î ¹Ù¶óº¸´Ù(one = the act) ¡Øas one °ú as part´Â º´·Ä°ü°è ¡æ»óó ÀÔÀº »ç¶÷µéÀº ±×·¯ÇÑ ÇàÀ§¸¦ ½É°¢ÇÑ °á°ú¸¦ ¼ö¹ÝÇÏ´Â °ÍÀ¸·Î, ±×¸®°í ¿ë¼ÇÒ ¼ö ¾ø°í ºñµµ´öÀûÀÎ ÁøÇà Áß¿¡ ÀÖ´Â ÆÐÅÏÀÇ ÀϺηΠ¹Ù¶óº¸´Â °æÇâÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù.
¨í [Each person has his or her own truth, and there is distortion on both sides.]
¡æ°¢ »ç¶÷Àº ±×µé¸¸ÀÇ Áø½ÇÀ» °¡Áö°í ÀÖ°í, ¾çÂÊ ¸ðµÎ¿¡ ¿Ö°îÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù.
¨î [Therefore, to apologize sincerely / we must first listen attentively / to how the other person really feels about what happened ¡ª not simply assert what we think happened.] ¡Øhow the other person really feels: ´Ù¸¥ »ç¶÷ÀÌ ¾î¶»°Ô ´À³¥Áö ¡Øabout what happened: ÀÏ¾î³ ÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇØ(whatÀº °ü°è´ë¸í»ç) ¡Øwhat we think happened: ÀϾ´Ù°í ¿ì¸®°¡ »ý°¢ÇÏ´Â °Í ¡æ µû¶ó¼ ÁøÁ¤À¸·Î »ç°úÇϱâ À§Çؼ´Â, ¿ì¸®°¡ ÀϾ´Ù°í »ý°¢ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀ» ´Ü¼øÈ÷ ÁÖÀåÇÒ °ÍÀÌ ¾Æ´Ï¶ó ÀÏ¾î³ ÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇؼ »ó´ë¹æÀÌ Á¤¸»·Î ¾î¶»°Ô ´À³¢´ÂÁö¿¡ ´ëÇØ ¿ì¼±ÀûÀ¸·Î ÁÖÀÇ ±í°Ô µé¾î¾ß ÇÑ´Ù.
3. ´Ü¾îÁ¤¸®
*apology »ç°ú *offender ¹üÁËÀÚ, ³²ÀÇ °¨Á¤À» ÇØÄ¡´Â »ç¶÷¡æ¨âoffend ±âºÐÀ» »óÇÏ°Ô ÇÏ´Ù ,¼º³ª°Ô ÇÏ´Ù *offense ¹üÁË, À§¹Ý *victim Èñ»ýÀÚ, ÇÇÇØÀÚ *downplay °æ½ÃÇÏ´Ù, ´ë´ÜÄ¡ ¾Ê°Ô »ý°¢ÇÏ´Ù *consequence °á°ú *in contrast ´ëÁ¶ÀûÀ¸·Î *inflame °Ý¾Ó½ÃÅ°´Ù, ¾ÇȽÃÅ°´Ù, ºÒÀ» ºÙÀÌ´Ù*reconciliation ÈÇØ ¡æ¨â reconcile ÈÇؽÃÅ°´Ù *ensue ÀÕ´Þ¾Æ ÀϾ´Ù *ongoing ÁøÇàÇÏ´Â, ÀüÁøÇÏ´Â *inexcusable ¿ë¼ÇÒ ¼ö ¾ø´Â *immoral ºÎµµ´öÇÑ, ºñÀ±¸®ÀûÀÎ *distortion ¿Ö°î, ºñ¶Ô¾îÁü *attentively ÁÖÀÇ ±í°Ô *assert ´Ü¾ðÇÏ´Ù, ÁÖÀåÇÏ´Ù
4. Àü¹®Çؼ®
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